We started by building an 8′ X 2′ box in our three-season room, and (with help of good persons at Growing Power and some worms) grew, with mixed results, salad greens and seedlings for the first summer’s garden. As the seasons change, our focus shifts back and forth between the sun-room and its evolving Growing Power Home Garden Project Box, and our Growing Power backyard garden, where we use the rich soil, worm castings and worms from the indoor box outdoors. Same system yet different.
Digging in the earth can uncover all kinds of things, and so can digging deep in ourselves. In my online journal, I have been recording daily reflections on the progress of our efforts in adapting the Growing Power model to our home and garden, mixed with my observations about life, peace, justice, faith, family, community and friends. Enjoy. Thank you! — Bob Graf
Time Out - Saturday, February 27, 2010
The Diary of the Worm is taking a ‘time out’
and will resume March 11th.
In the summer I have the gardens to keep me grounded. I was hoping to do more growing in the winter in the sun room, but without getting the solar heating system I was hoping to build I did not spend much time growing. We had some things, like the arugula in our salad tonight, but not nearly what the room is capable of with more heat and light.
Besides working in the gardens, another way to keep grounded and keep life in perspective is to retreat from everyday life and take some time for new experiences, quiet and reflections. So from tomorrow till March 11th I will take a ‘time out’, doing some traveling, listening and conversing. After ‘time out’ experiences such as these I have come back to my daily life inspired and renewed.
Maybe March 11, we can start an early spring, with at least enough light and heat in the sun room to start growing again. Like the child at heart I seek to be, it is time for a ‘time out’.
No Violence - Friday, February 26, 2010
Prayer Vigil 2010Today my friend Marna called to say she had updated the 2010 Homicide list for the web page Mothers Against Gun Violence. I take pictures at some of the prayer vigils and then post them on the site. I did not get the pictures posted tonight but on the news heard a report of a triple homicide, a mother and two very young children and the death, suicide or homicide, of a fourth person of interest in the triple homicide. A fifth person involved in these events, a 6 week old baby, was found in the cold outside of a Church. Now in one day we go from 13 to 16 or 17 homicides. When will the violence stop?
In a few weeks I plan to redesign the Nonviolent Action side of the web page, www.nonviolentcow.org. I was thinking of breaking up the material on this side of the web site into two parts: No More War Spending and Teach War No More. Now, after the homicides today, I am thinking of a third breakdown under nonviolence dealing with the daily violence we face in our society. This year many of the homicides have been domestic, killed by friend or family member. Efforts of groups like Mothers Against Gun Violence or WAVE have been no match for the gun lobby.
Last night I saw in the news that a 19 year old teenager was sentenced to 80
After I drove my friend Ella to the post office today to pick up her mail from her P.O. Box, I took a few pictures of her latest patch quilts for her web page Ella’s Patch Quilts. Also Ella, famous for her homemade corn bread muffins, gave me some spicy homemade corn bread dressing, which I had for dinner tonight. With the patch quilts, memories of corn muffins and corn bread dressing, I felt some southern comfort on this wintery day in Wisconsin.
This small experience is a reminder of how with a few mementos, patch quilts and homemade stuffing, one can, by imagination, transfer oneself to any place.
Next week I am traveling on a G.A.T.E., Global Awareness Through Experience, trip to El Salvador to experience the culture and the people of this country. Memories of martyrs, Father Oscar Romero, Jesuits and their housekeeper and her daughter, the women religious and the many men, women and children who died during the long civil war flood my mind. This will be a larger experience than corn muffins and will give me a lot to ponder, write, reflect on and picture.
Experiences of life comes in all sizes, big and small. It is up to us to make the most of each experience.
A friend called early today and said he had a good quote for me. It was: “God can do tremendous things through the person who doesn’t care who gets the credit.” Thinking about this quote later in the day I called him back and asked him for the exact quote and where it came from. He had been told it was in the Bible, Romans 12:12. That is not exactly what this passage in the Bible says but it is still a great quote, at least for me.
It relates well to a definition of Gandhi’s nonviolence that I like: “striving nonviolently to the point of sacrifice rather than fighting to attain one’s vision of truth.” Both lessons, sacrificing not reacting, and not worrying about being given credit, are two things I need to work on. It is interesting that this lesson comes in any early morning phone call just when I need it.
In fact the quote I looked up in Romans 12:12 led to a deeper understanding of these points: “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.” (Romans 12:12–16} One good quote leads to two more.
I will let the author of books like Animal Farm and 1984, do the talking tonight. Although Orwell died in 1950 his words ring true today:
The war is not meant to be won, it is meant to be continuous. Hierarchical society is only possible on the basis of poverty and ignorance. In principle the war effort is always planned to keep society on the brink of starvation. The war is waged by the ruling group against its own subjects and its object is not the victory over either Eurasia or East Asia, but to keep the very structure of society intact.
Yesterday I had what I would call an Orwellian experience. Someone who I had never met or communicated with acted like she knew me. I asked the person how she knew me and she said I read your emails. I said I never sent her an email but she said someone had forwarded parts of my personal emails to her and that anything on the web is fair game. She is right but it made me stop and think that I should be more careful what I write in emails and who I sent them to. I already know how easy it is to be misunderstood in an email. Now I realize how public they are even when they are private.
Technology makes possible continuous or endless war and the invasion of personal email. Technology can mean power but like power can be used for bad or good. George Orwell, like Thomas Merton or Mahatma Gandhi, saw deep into society and warned us of the dark side of technology, war and ‘big brother’ watching us.
Winter Garden - Monday, February 22, 2010
Winter GardenThe winter garden does not produce food but it looks great. Mother Mary, now Queen of the Snow, still stands in the middle saying “Let it be, Let it be.” Beneath the snow covered mound in the back of the yard I know my worms are warm, alive and well, eating and casting. A small wet snow fell last night. It is easy to work with and brings beauty to the garden without any burden.
A meeting with a politician today went well. A meeting with peace people tonight did not. With the politician we talked about the major issues of war and peace. At the other meeting we talked about minor issues, like corrections of minutes, who can work on a committee and not, and other petty issues.
I choose the winter garden, clean, white and beautiful over the mess of petty politics.
Mary Queen of Snow and Winter Garden help me to take insults and injuries and not react but keep clean, white and at peace.
Today at my friend John Gillman’s book signing “Footsoldier for Peace and Justice: The Story of John Gilman”, it occurred to me how those in the movement for human rights and to end war and violence has changed since the 60’s when I first knew John. I remember discussions and conversation in which we had strong disagreements. However, when it came to action we were always united and always supportive of each other.
I saw some friends from those days at the book signing. One of them still active in peace and justice efforts told me, when I pressed him for support of our efforts for No More War Spending and our efforts To Teach War No More at Marquette University, that these were “my issues” which he respected but he had his own issues which I needed to respect. When we worked together with our common friend John in the 60’s there was no talk of “my issue” and “your issue.”
As my friend reminded me there are many issues today and only so much time in the day, but still I cannot understand why on major issues where we can make a local difference we cannot stand united. In the 60’s as well as today I do not think that any particular political or social issues were “my issues”. It seems to me we just worked on what was in front of us and it came naturally as the right thing to do.
Three R’s - Saturday, February 20, 2010
John Gilman For the last few days I have been thinking that I need to pull back from politics, especially talk-not-action politics. After spending part of the morning at a meeting to prepare for a private meeting with Representative Glen Moore next Monday, I went to my first Green Party meeting in the afternoon. Tonight I updated the web page No More War Spending to reflect the fact the reason we were given for canceling the public meeting with Rep. Gwen Moore was false, and to show some of the research on the great increase in war spending since the Democrats came into political power in D.C. Tomorrow I am scheduled to attend a book signing of an old friend John Gilman, who in the 60’s bailed me out of jail when I was part of the Milwaukee 14. John’s Book is “Footsoldier for Peace and Justice: The Story of John Gilman”.
These latest ventures make me realize that I need to return to the three r’s, research, reflection and writing. I will remain open to direct nonviolent actions but, for someone who talks too much anyway, the politics of talk and playing games, as most politicians do, is not for me. However, I enjoy doing research, am a decent writer and need reflection. If I can do it, focus on the three r’s, I will have more time for growing renewable affordable food (G.R.A.F.) and being a friend to people in need.
Yes it is time to go back to the basics, the three r’s of research, reflection and writing.
Cow Chips in IndiaToday my warranty on my computer and printer ends and they are still not working right, even though hours have spent on the phone with technicians in the Philippines. The technicians are friendly persons and can take control over a computer from their computer. However, technology controlled remotely by technology seems no match for the computer repair person. In my case when one problem was corrected another one was created. In this case remote computers handled by remote persons cannot match the personal service I have received on other computers. Also it is much more time consuming.
I now understand better why persons, like Gandhi, who appreciated modern technology, saw how it could be harmful in our lives. It is easier to kill someone by a drone remotely than for someone to create or help someone by remote technology.
Many years ago I remember reading the writing of Jacques Ellul about the threat to human freedom and Christian faith created by modern technology. I did not completely understand his writings but sensed they were significant. Now I can experience in life and life around me how significant a role technology plays in our lives yet how much a threat it is.
So all this is another reason to dig into the low-tech life of growing power. With some good cow dung, worms, scrap paper and wood chips you have all the ingredients of rich organic soil to grow. Cow chips beat out computer chips in growing renewable, affordable food, (G.R.A.F.).
Comfort Food - Thursday, February 18, 2010
I have posted a featured article on this site how working with soil is healthy not for only for the food grown but for the mind and body. I have also posted in this diary about how cooking can relieve stress. Recently I have come to be aware of how certain foods are ‘comfort foods.’
I mentioned on the post for Fat Tuesday, Many are invited, few are chosen, all the great food we enjoyed that night, but I failed to mention the biggest hit of all in the dinner, Ella’s homemade corn muffins. Ella used to give me patch quilts in gratitude for driving her various places. Now that I have so many excellent patch quilts, she shows her gratitude by supplying our family with her delicious homemade corn muffins.
There is something about her corn muffins that have a universal good feeling about them. Some persons have ice cream or chocolate as comfort foods. I find frozen custard, a Milwaukee specialty, and cheese, a Wisconsin specialty, to be comfort foods. But Ella’s corn muffins are a comfort food everyone can enjoy.
Illnesses with family and friends of soul, mind and body dominated my day. Dealing with illnesses is tiring. When one is ill, especially with a brain disorder, there seems to be no way out to a place of health. For people around persons suffering an illness of the mind, it is very difficult to accept that there is nothing they can do except to be present to the ill person. Sometimes we just need to accept we cannot change persons. This feeling of helplessness can bring us peace and joy or despair and sadness.
This evening I went to Church to celebrate Ash Wednesday. In the service we receive ashes on our foreheads to remind us how weak and fragile our life is. Ashes remind us that our bodies came from ashes and will return to ashes. Ashes are put on our forehead in the sign of the cross. The cross itself is a sign of despair and sadness or a sign of peace and joy.
Ashes are a sign of destruction. Yet ashes mixed with soil is good for the garden. They add to the soil and help plants to grow larger and be more fruitful.
Helplessness in the face of illness of a family member or friend, like ashes or a cross, can bring us peace and joy or despair and sadness.
Ammon Hennacy Today, Fat Tuesday, I had invited many persons to a dinner of curry vegetables, Syrian Rice, Salada, curry/Cajun chicken and an assortment of other ethnic foods. I did not expect many to come since the dinner was to be followed by a brainstorming session on how to stop the teaching of war at Marquette University. But only three friends showed up, two of the regulars and one new person.
Besides enjoying an excellent dinner, if I, the cook, need to say so myself, we had an excellent session throwing out ideas for how we can effectively in nonviolent action communicate our message that teaching war at Marquette in not ethical or moral and causes death and destruction of human life.
One of our small group said we need to build up our numbers, something we have failed to do in the past. We talked about reasons for this but at the end we decided that we need to do what we had to do, despite how many join us. Ammon Hennacy, a Catholic Worker, called it the “One Man Revolution”. It is nice to be part of a large group but if something is the right thing to do we need to do it no matter how many stand or do not stand with us.
I believe we are all invited to do the right thing but few have the courage to choose to do it.
Canceled - Monday, February 15, 2010
Tonight I had to put out an email that the Public Town Hall Meeting to Hold Congressperson Accountable for War Spending was canceled. The reason is internal peace politics. For those of us who, for some time, have been wanting to hold Gwen Moore accountable for war spending, it was not worth fighting our own people to do so. The peace people, working with Gwen Moore’s staff to have this meeting private not public, won and gave me a chance to practice being a Weedy Worm of Man. Be careful what you wish for.
Tomorrow, a small group of us will gather for a Fat Tuesday, Mardi Gras dinner featuring Indian Food and then sit down and discuss possible nonviolent actions to get Marquette to be faithful to the Gospel and not host training for the military on campus. This effort might not be successful, but like our efforts to stop more war spending, no more teaching war on campus is worth the struggle. Basically what choice do we have? Some of us cannot be silent or support more military spending or more teaching war in our education system.
Being gracious in failure can make us stronger in our struggle for truth, but being gracious is difficult. It is the time for some advice to peacemakers from Thomas Merton, that at times we need to accept failure and the fact that we are imperfect instruments, yet continue our resistance.
Some years ago when my wife was laid off from her part-time library job at a private school my grandson, then 7 years old, said she was ‘canceled.’ Being canceled turned out to be a blessing, for she went on to get a job she had always wanted, being a full time children’s librarian at a public library. So our meeting to hold Ms. Moore accountable for her war spending was canceled but it might lead to something greater.
Worms In WeedsJudith Brown in her book on Gandhi defines his nonviolence as “striving nonviolently to the point of sacrifice rather than fighting to attain one’s vision of truth.” I guess this definition of nonviolence has impressed me because I find it extremely difficult to strive for the truth, as I see it, to the point of sacrifice. I constantly feel that I need to fight to attain my vision of the truth. This happened again this weekend when some ‘liberal’ peace people made attempts to sabotage our nonviolent action with Rep. Gwen Moore, our liberal Democrat congressperson, to hold her accountable for her votes on war spending. Instead of striving to put into action what a group of us had decided, I kept reacting to those not in the group who are trying to divert the message.
This is not healthy and is not practicing nonviolence. I am trying to look for an example in nature where nature strives to do something, but does not react to obstacles, but continues striving to fulfill its nature. A few examples come to my mind right away. One is weeds that grow between the breaks in the stones in the garden. I can pull them up and poison them but they keep coming back. Another one is worms. You can break a worm into many pieces but it keeps wiggling and striving to fulfill its nature to eat, cast and procreate.
Perhaps I should strive to be a weedy worm of a man, striving nonviolently for the truth, even to the point of sacrifice, rather than reacting to the forces that try to sway me away.
Vertical Grower Growing ArugulaDue to technical difficulties we have not been able to post on the Diary of the Worm the last two nights. However, all is well now and postings will resume. The one for today was the posting we were not able to post for Feb. 11th.
Today I took a picture of the vertical grower in the sun room with arugula seeds growing on the top two trays and the bottom two trays just planted yesterday with arugula seeds. In the background you can see the snow-covered worm depository, winter home for worms, in the backyard.
After taking the picture my thoughts turned to the newspaper’s business section, where someone at a prayer vigil for homicide victims pointed out an article about handmade valentines that featured one with a hand gun pointed declaring: “Be my valentine…and nobody gets hurt.” After seeing this obscene card and reading the article my eyes fell on an article on top of the page: “Russell sells London subsidiary”.
The article was about Russell Investments, a subsidiary of Milwaukee’s Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance Co., which is selling its London based equity management subsidiary Pantheon Ventures for about $776 million in cash. It is selling this subsidiary of a subsidiary to Affiliated Mangers Group, a “global asset management company with equity investments in boutique investment management firms”. Russell Investment says it is doing this to allow them to “focus on additional strategic initiatives”, like enhancement of its index business.
Simply said, one organization that makes money by using money, usury, is selling part of its business of using money to make money to another organization that makes money by using money. Or we can say that this is an example of how usury has gotten out of control in a world where one used to have to work to make money.
In the vertical planter the plants grow naturally. In the business world money is used to make money. This type of usury that is now so common in the world was considered by the early Christian Church as wrong, a sin against nature and the church. Maybe the early Christians had a point. Money does not, like plants, grow naturally.
Broadcaster of SeedsWhen planting seeds, like I did today in the sun room planters, I always wonder if the seeds will grow into plants. Most of the time they do rise from the soil and grow but not always and as expected. In my work as youth minister and educator I saw myself as a broadcaster of seeds. You do your best to plant seeds of knowledge and insight into young people but often do not know.
However, once in a while, you receive a letter or phone call from some youth from the past who has done well. Today a young man whom I worked with as a youth minister when he was in high school called. We traveled together some years ago on a mission trip to an Indian reservation. Now he is graduating from a local university and is applying for the Peace Corps. He was using the mission trip and my name on his application and wanted me to know. We talked awhile and exchanged emails and phone numbers.
I have always enjoyed mission trips with youth, be they to Appalachia, a reservation, Mexico or New Orleans. Youth are open to their experiences and bring much enthusiasm to their task.
I have had this experience of someone from the past calling me with an appreciation of our association. Broadcasting seeds is healing, seeing them grow and flourish is rewarding.
As pointed out by a friend this Diary of Worm has moved away from grounded observations of nature and earth to more ethereal ideas of politics and social change. The purpose of the web site was to bring together the idea of “Nonviolence” with the more grounded reality of growing power as represented by the ‘worm’ or ‘cow’. The balance between the idea, nonviolence, and the earthly reality, the cow, has been difficult to achieve.
Someone today suggested that I withdraw from the world of ideas, political and social change and go deeper inside to a place of inner peace and quiet. I know that withdrawing from the world, like Thomas Merton, could bring peace and silence to my soul, yet the thought goes against my drive to do something and make a difference.
My instinct is to act before I think, and thus to be always doing and not as much being. The doing is things like working on a flyer today to hold our local congresswoman accountable for her war spending votes. The doing is keeping alive the resistance to the militarization of teaching war and violence in our schools. The being part is things like reading and reflecting, planting seeds in the sun room growing power box, praying in silence.
As I said earlier the Diary of Worm has shifted more toward the idea, nonviolent, side. For balance it is time to shift to the reality, cow or worm, side. The seeds I recently purchased go unplanted in the sun room. This might be a good place to start being more grounded. Bring in the seeds!
Fearless Gum - Monday, February 08, 2010
Fearless Gum?The media beats the drum of fear of weather to come, this time snow. The media beats the drum of fear of terrorism to come, where we do not know. The media beats the drum of fear of nuclear bombs to come, now in Iran. The media beats the drum of fear on the streets, violence in the neighborhoods.
Fear of bad breath, fear of someone talking about us, fear of lack of money, fear everywhere. Now I know why Jesus says in the Gospel, over and over again, “Be Not Afraid.” If we fear failure too much we will not try much. President Roosevelt said the “only thing we have to fear is fear itself” yet we fear everything. Fear might have its place, but when it controls society, as it does, it is not good.
When I did the family shopping today I forgot to buy sugarless sticks of gum for my dear wife. I wish fearless sticks of gum were sold as sugarless sticks. With a few sticks of fearless gum we would not be afraid to wake up and see the world as it really is. Every time we were faced with fear we could just grab a stick of fearless gum and chew our way out of the fear.
New Orleans SaintsThe New Orleans Saints came from behind to win the Super Bowl of football. Millions of people, all over the world, watched this team, from a city that was beaten down by a hurricane and bureaucracy, win the Super Bowl for the first time in its history.
Very few persons know that the daughter of one of the founders, now deceased, of the local National Alliance for Mental Illness. NAMI, is about to be released from the county hospital seriously ill. Due to bureaucracy and lack of care there is not much anyone can do about it.
In this country a rich football player is held up as a national hero and a poor person suffering from a serious illness is lost and forgotten.
Like many others I was glued to the T.V. screen rooting for the underdog New Orleans Saints football team. It was only after the game that I got a call from a friend, who also suffers from a mental illness, that her friend was being released from the hospital seriously sick.
I still enjoyed the Saints victory but felt sad that other saints, like my friend, feel so hopeless to help a friend in need.
Team Work - Saturday, February 06, 2010
Watching, in person, my grandson’s 4th grade basketball team play, and watching on TV the University of Wisconsin basketball team play today, my inner brain became aware of the importance of team work. Clearly the UW team had better team work than the 4th grade basketball team. However, the 4th grade team played together better than some community organization and groups work together.
On the way to the game my wife and I were listening to a brain writer and researcher talk about how we often place our individual selves and individual family members over the larger community. His example was how some families would not think much of spending a few hundred dollars of their child’s birthday party but would hesitate to spend that same amount of money on vaccinations for poor children, even if it meant they would be saving 20 lives.
A year ago I heard a local historian talk about how he was glad to pay more taxes for worthwhile community projects like park improvements or more effective transportation systems. However many people protest any tax increases even though it would benefit the common good. Someone told this person he would rather spend the money of an extra tax, even it was for the common good and health of the community, on his individual lawn care.
This brings us back to team work or working together. The slogan for Growing Power is “Working Together we are growing power.” If fourth grade and college basketball players can learn this lesson of the benefits of team work, why not community groups and taxpayers?
